So recently me and my Mother were talking , She was telling me about Her Father , my Grandfather on her side .
through story's I began to realize he was a great man but very much a Womanizer .
My father was married to my Mother for 28 years ,
now they have been divorced for about 10 .
Thinking back he Was very much a womanizer too .. Is it that we are drawn to whats comfortable ?
But our inner beings are calling out for more ?
thinking about it I see the connections to my genetic Past and to my Present ,
My grandfather and my Father were both loved dearly , And from an outside perspective you
couldn't really see that other side at all , Its very much a deep rooted thing .
I never thought I would exactly attract a man like my Father , he was always loud
and the center of attention , the guy to have fun with but irresponsible because he couldn't
choose between both lives.
Slowly as it appears its been in our Generations on both sides.
You have this man who expects the woman to be a certain way , talk a certain way
do certain things a woman does , which for the most part is what a lady does.
but when it becomes womanizing is while he the man can do as he pleases
cause hes a man , and then you start to see the double standards .
and suddenly and very rapidly it all starts to make sense .
When I fell in love and had my Second Child , Many things about him made me feel comfortable
and in many small ways he reminded me of my Father , But never in a womanizing way .
We were together for quite some time , but our relationship ceased to last to raise the Children together . I couldn't
avoid the little things .. I am very sensitive in certain aspects ,
and licking my wounds every time these double standards came into play
- just didn't seem to be enough ..
I would see the same patterns re occurring in our relationship
I would be hurt , and he would run, then he would come back , and I would have this hurt deep inside
me , that I tried to push away for days
but seemed my character couldn't look past it .
Not realizing then , all the times I made him feel like he wasn't good enough was merely
me not wanting the same genetic patterning .
Its understandable now , I never meant to hurt his feelings
It was just always that little voice inside me that knew I didn't belong there ,
Why ? I never knew then
All I knew was 'things as they were' , were not okay for me personally.
And in the End stages of our relationship , which was a long painful year ..
It became obvious our honey moon days full of passion and laughter were over .
This is when you start to see the true colors of a person , when all the light fades out you get to
see how much light that person truly has inside .
And sitting here , thinking back to the torment of those days
I reminisce on the days in my childhood with my Father ,
the broken promises to each and every one of
us and the taking the stage as if he were innocent. The constant crying that he wanted to give more
that he would change and do more , and the constant disappointment .
As I get older I start to see it from my Mothers eyes , mind you I love my Father deeply and have
no hate towards him , I was always Daddy's little girl was always a very proud little girl to be .
But as a woman , I see her struggles and her endless nights and now I recently see me
connecting my life to hers , for the first time and I see exactly how
her transformation was bold and courageous , And as one of my favorite quotes states
" We tend to count our misery's more than our blessings " And I realize how very blessed I am to be where I am .
I didn't endure 30 years waiting on some one to change , And I didn't have 6 Children with him.
And for me the biggest hidden message I recently discovered is that ,
I received the most amazing gift in my self , in realizing this ..
And I'm looking forward into the future with big bright eyes
A big heart and all the love I have to give .
All my torment and endless nights have steered me in a good direction ,
And I'm thankful that some how my own being , my very own being
knew back then what was best for me .
And all i can see is things to be grateful for , because these are my eyes ..
And this is who I am , and I know the love my being needs within , Is out there
and I won't be searching I'll be patiently taking my days
day by day growing , because that love will be there when I need it most.
Monday 17 October 2011
Sunday 16 October 2011
I am very passionate in expressing my Life's journey's and endurance`s through my writings .
I feel that writing any inspirational occurrences right down to the hard times of life
In a positive manner is a good way of expanding my own personal true growth
which adds a sense of healing within.
And also allows me to have a sense of feeling connected by trying to contribute to the growth of humanity in a small
positive way , If my being has the power to do something good , I try and do it .
I can't save the world , I'm not super woman , But kindness and courtesy through small gestures goes along way and I've been really
grasping that lately .
My first Blog is this One , I named it Our journeys for our walk for water .. its a very broad meaning which all of us could relate to ,
It just felt self explanatory to all kinds of people
because besides religion , race ectect. We are all human and the truth is most of endure the same things as a stranger would
at some point in their lives.
For me having Gratitude is the only way my mind can express myself ,
any negative anything cuts my writing ability and so , I'm learning to break free
of anything that limits me anything that holds me back from my true essence of who I am
I have many talents , I have many wonderful things about me
But there is so many negative things out there that try and take away your good .
So learning the balance and how to achieve exactly the right energy in your being
and focus , takes practice .
I learned the way I express my self to others is key .
For if something resonates with someone , at or from some point in their lives
I want the best possible feeling to any situation , I want to help assist a good way of thinking of recognizing those hidden messages
in life for healthy self growth .
I am just as human as the next person , maybe a little sensitive at times but only when I dont understand the human actions
people make without being aligned in their heart when doing so , and those are all things
I myself had to shed to start evolving myself.
Their was many times when I would go through a situation
and it took me along time to fully understand the lesson or the concept that life was trying to get at to me,
and even to develop the strength to be able to put the little pieces together
so i could get to that point , was difficult .
Because I'm just as human as anybody else .
But the bold truth is , when emotions are involved we tend to be so blind sited from what is .
Because as humans we catch our selves thinking
What could be or Should be ,
and that`s not a healthy way of thinking ,
because when we are thinking we are creating ,
We have to stay in the "What is" .
for thee best possible healing effect for ourselves ,
And that doubles especially if we have any turmoil in our lives that
we have been enduring .
I would like to encourage the thinking aspect of self growth for anyone , it moves unseen mountains .
For any one to stay out of the could of been , or should of been's , and stay in the now .
to allow their selves to start unfolding their true messages and moving forward in peace
and in happiness with no hidden burden's.
If I can do that , or take part just by sharing my story's
then that makes me proud of enduring things that I have
And that makes me proud that I have the ability to share whats within me with others.
And I'm positive every one else does to.
"Be what you wish to see in the world" ,
Truth is , If I had One real Wish
I wish to see humanity more together in their differences
instead of tearing one another apart .And I feel extremely blessed to be who I am to see that .
I feel that writing any inspirational occurrences right down to the hard times of life
In a positive manner is a good way of expanding my own personal true growth
which adds a sense of healing within.
And also allows me to have a sense of feeling connected by trying to contribute to the growth of humanity in a small
positive way , If my being has the power to do something good , I try and do it .
I can't save the world , I'm not super woman , But kindness and courtesy through small gestures goes along way and I've been really
grasping that lately .
My first Blog is this One , I named it Our journeys for our walk for water .. its a very broad meaning which all of us could relate to ,
It just felt self explanatory to all kinds of people
because besides religion , race ectect. We are all human and the truth is most of endure the same things as a stranger would
at some point in their lives.
For me having Gratitude is the only way my mind can express myself ,
any negative anything cuts my writing ability and so , I'm learning to break free
of anything that limits me anything that holds me back from my true essence of who I am
I have many talents , I have many wonderful things about me
But there is so many negative things out there that try and take away your good .
So learning the balance and how to achieve exactly the right energy in your being
and focus , takes practice .
I learned the way I express my self to others is key .
For if something resonates with someone , at or from some point in their lives
I want the best possible feeling to any situation , I want to help assist a good way of thinking of recognizing those hidden messages
in life for healthy self growth .
I am just as human as the next person , maybe a little sensitive at times but only when I dont understand the human actions
people make without being aligned in their heart when doing so , and those are all things
I myself had to shed to start evolving myself.
Their was many times when I would go through a situation
and it took me along time to fully understand the lesson or the concept that life was trying to get at to me,
and even to develop the strength to be able to put the little pieces together
so i could get to that point , was difficult .
Because I'm just as human as anybody else .
But the bold truth is , when emotions are involved we tend to be so blind sited from what is .
Because as humans we catch our selves thinking
What could be or Should be ,
and that`s not a healthy way of thinking ,
because when we are thinking we are creating ,
We have to stay in the "What is" .
for thee best possible healing effect for ourselves ,
And that doubles especially if we have any turmoil in our lives that
we have been enduring .
I would like to encourage the thinking aspect of self growth for anyone , it moves unseen mountains .
For any one to stay out of the could of been , or should of been's , and stay in the now .
to allow their selves to start unfolding their true messages and moving forward in peace
and in happiness with no hidden burden's.
If I can do that , or take part just by sharing my story's
then that makes me proud of enduring things that I have
And that makes me proud that I have the ability to share whats within me with others.
And I'm positive every one else does to.
"Be what you wish to see in the world" ,
Truth is , If I had One real Wish
I wish to see humanity more together in their differences
instead of tearing one another apart .And I feel extremely blessed to be who I am to see that .
Imperfections really do make a Divine Perfection .
I'm guessing this why people are so connected in our differences .
Together understanding the ups or the downs, grief or happiness ectect.
Its a rather up lifting experience for me personally meeting people from all different paths of life , It intrigues me , I'm learning I'm expanding .
One thing is obviously certain , Most of us mainly have a good idea where we came from
The genetics , the life directions.
And its very human and honest to say we don't always know exactly where were going ,
I mean we can all plan our lives the way we want them to be ,
and have a strong sense of direction where were going and some of us do get that
but the thing is the universe is always randomly taking us where we need to go.
Out of no where our lives can change because were always being given new opportunities,sometimes I just laugh about emotions being put in their to mess us all up lol .
Because they jolt us they freeze us in time if their not good ones , which is called turmoil.
Its all about learning ,
It doesn't really matter what the situation was ,
as much as in our emotions they do ,
its about the lesson ..The Divine Lesson in a situation ,
and if you fail to grasp that or try to ignore it
life`s gonna kick your ass back to where you need to be and your gonna be repeating these situations over and over .
And I kinda believe we are what we truly give.
And I mean truly.
Only you know what it is deep inside of you that your giving or burdening ,
So I mean the law of the universe that i truly believe in
- Manipulation`s or denial , ins`t gonna help you get out of that one
in the area of self growth , denying to yourself and everyone around you
your gonna end up at square one in time.
So , to anybody who continuously keeps finding them selves back in a situation ,
really feel out and acknowledged what it is your suppose to be learning.
Don't take the time to question why it happened , because we will waist a lot of time stuck their.
And that's one of those things I mentioned earlier
It just doesn't matter why ,
Look at yourself from within- out ,
what are you suppose to be learning .
And slowly , most likely
you will see your self breaking free of those continuously burdens
and shedding all of the weight you didn't even notice you were carrying and start to be in-lined with the true essence of you , because your true growth . And that is when you start evolving getting to where you are suppose to be and into your divine self .
I'm guessing this why people are so connected in our differences .
Together understanding the ups or the downs, grief or happiness ectect.
Its a rather up lifting experience for me personally meeting people from all different paths of life , It intrigues me , I'm learning I'm expanding .
One thing is obviously certain , Most of us mainly have a good idea where we came from
The genetics , the life directions.
And its very human and honest to say we don't always know exactly where were going ,
I mean we can all plan our lives the way we want them to be ,
and have a strong sense of direction where were going and some of us do get that
but the thing is the universe is always randomly taking us where we need to go.
Out of no where our lives can change because were always being given new opportunities,sometimes I just laugh about emotions being put in their to mess us all up lol .
Because they jolt us they freeze us in time if their not good ones , which is called turmoil.
Its all about learning ,
It doesn't really matter what the situation was ,
as much as in our emotions they do ,
its about the lesson ..The Divine Lesson in a situation ,
and if you fail to grasp that or try to ignore it
life`s gonna kick your ass back to where you need to be and your gonna be repeating these situations over and over .
And I kinda believe we are what we truly give.
And I mean truly.
Only you know what it is deep inside of you that your giving or burdening ,
So I mean the law of the universe that i truly believe in
- Manipulation`s or denial , ins`t gonna help you get out of that one
in the area of self growth , denying to yourself and everyone around you
your gonna end up at square one in time.
So , to anybody who continuously keeps finding them selves back in a situation ,
really feel out and acknowledged what it is your suppose to be learning.
Don't take the time to question why it happened , because we will waist a lot of time stuck their.
And that's one of those things I mentioned earlier
It just doesn't matter why ,
Look at yourself from within- out ,
what are you suppose to be learning .
And slowly , most likely
you will see your self breaking free of those continuously burdens
and shedding all of the weight you didn't even notice you were carrying and start to be in-lined with the true essence of you , because your true growth . And that is when you start evolving getting to where you are suppose to be and into your divine self .
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